I haven’t posted in a really, really long time. I think for the most part it’s because I haven’t had anything to say. But it’s also because I had something pretty dramatic happen several months ago. Seven months and 2 weeks ago to be exact.
Yes, if you guessed that I got pregnant, you’d be right. Back in January I was having some feminine issues that made me purchase a home pregnancy test. Do you know how in television and movies, the woman takes the test and it takes the allotted however many minutes to get the anticipated ‘yes’ or ‘no’? Well, in reality, it takes about 5 seconds. I dipped the tester in urine and BAM! the little window gave me the dreaded +. No waiting, no pacing, no bargaining with the universe to spare me yet again.
It took me 3 very emotional months to come to terms with my situation and to decide to keep the baby. But once I did, I have never been happier. The whole experience is very empowering and even if the father has decided to only be financially responsible I still feel that this is the best decision for me.
I don’t doubt that it’s going to be hard and that I may have moments of extreme self-doubt and emotional upheaval, especially with my history of depression. And I’m afraid of messing my kid up with my relationship history and my internal struggle. But I am already in love with him/her and if nothing else, I’ll spend my life proving that to my child. I’ve come a long way in therapy and self-awareness and know I have people I can turn to when times get rough. People who will give me advice and soothe my sometimes fragile ego.
I’m just excited to meet him or her. To get to know the person and see who s/he is. To guide him or her through life and follow on his or her life adventure.
I’m deliberately not finding out the sex so it can be a surprise. And I’m taking yoga and reading loads of books on natural child-birth so I am ready when the time comes. I know I’m a strong woman and can handle anything that comes my way. I try to meditate nightly to connect with the baby and to relax into accepting that the birth is going to happen how it’s supposed to happen, no matter what I write down in my birth plan.
I’m excited to begin this new journey and share it with anyone willing to listen. Maybe I’ll learn some valuable things along the way that will benefit other new mothers out there. Or maybe I’ll just need somewhere to vent. Or maybe I’ll want something to keep me occupied that isn’t poopy diapers, breast milk or single mother related.
I hope you’ll come along for the ride whatever the reason.